


What will be left

by Morkkis



Category: The Professionals (TV 1977)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Feelings, Hugs, M/M, Multiple Endings, Nightmares, You Decide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-12 01:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20555621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morkkis/pseuds/Morkkis
Summary: After a nearly fatal operation, Bodie finds himself thinking about his partner. About his feelings for his partner.





	1. Soothing whisky

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm glad you decided to read this little fic I wrote.  
There's a little something you need to know: depending on your mood or preferences, you can choose sad or happy ending. I couldn't do it myself while writing, so I left it in your hands. 
> 
> Also, I don't own any rights for the series or the charachters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a nearly fatal operation, Bodie finds himself thinking about his partner. About his feelings for his partner.

# 1

Bodie closed the door quietly and for a few moments just stood in the hallway. He took one or two deep breaths to calm himself, just as that old Japanese bastard taught him. It didn’t work, or not as much as he needed right now, so he settled for more classic way how to soothe his distracted mind – scotch.

He drank the whole glass in one go. Yeah, that’s more like it, the whisky burning down his throat and all the way toward his stomach. Warming and relaxing and keeping him distracted from things he didn’t want to think about. He poured himself another. For about a minute Bodie was just looking at the golden liquid… and then his mind turned again to that nearly failed mission today, to that bullet that nearly killed Ra–

He smashed the glass.

Heavy breathing, jaw clenched, eyes wide, he grabbed the bottle of Talisker and went to the bedroom.

There, after an hour, Bodie sat with his back leaning against the headboard, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles. He was holding a framed photo. Photo of him and Doyle, shoulder to shoulder, both tired but smiling like crazy.

Even now, nearly four years after the picture was taken, Bodie had to smile. A tired, sad smile, but smile anyway. He remembered that day like it was yesterday – it had been their very first big case they worked on together. And a successful case on top of that, no one got hurt. _Unlike today, _thought Bodie bitterly.

He closed his eyes and counted to ten. He was calm now, almost perfectly calm, since the scotch served its purpose.

Reopening his eyes, Bodie looked back at the photograph in his hands. He hadn’t fancied Doyle back then, no. They had been just colleagues and friends who worked together, met at the pub, joked around and discussed their weekly girlfriends. Yeah, good old days… which probably haven’t changed much for Doyle but for Bodie everything changed. Not so sure when exactly, but it has.

He touched Ray’s hair with his thumb over the glass and tried to imagine, to _remember_ the feeling of those chestnut brown curls. He loved them. They were like Doyle himself, free and wild, almost feral, but deep down tamed and perfectly cared of.

Ray have never minded when Bodie touched his hair. Or at least have never told him so. Strange really, he has never seen anybody else doing it – touch it, pat it or caress it. No one. That left Bodie feeling pretty special but what did he know.

And then there was the handsome face with a broken cheekbone. Most of the time he couldn’t read it, like it has been made of stone. But other times, Ray was an open book with hundreds of words telling stories to those who cared enough to look and understand. And Bodie did. He has been watching that face closely for some time now. And even though every Ray’s girlfriend nearly worshiped his lips, it was the eyes that Bodie fell in love with.

Those two greenish diamonds that, if Ray let you, were showing you his entire bare soul. And Bodie had that privilege because Doyle trusted him and let Bodie see his all. The ice when he was fuming, the fire when he was high on adrenaline, the darkness when somebody dared to hurt him or worse someone he cared for, the sparks of joy when he was genuinely happy or the glitter when he saw a sexy bird in a bar. Or the fondness, warmth with bit of mischief when he looked right at Bodie.

So, to put it simply, he could kill for those eyes, if they told him to do so, he would, he really would.

Which was the reason for his foul mood tonight, because he nearly let those beautiful shining eyes to flicker for the very last time. He shivered, remembering what happened. What might have happened.

______________________________

For nearly two weeks CI5 have been looking for another one of those gangs that wanted to make loads of money by threatening innocent people and leaving stupid messages for the government. Like it ever made anybody rich. Stupid fools. The problem was these stupid fools had ticking bombs in hands and weren’t afraid to show just how deadly they could be.

Twelve people dead, twenty-seven in a critical condition and another thirty-eight mildly injured. That’s what the first bomb in a shopping centre had done.

Witnesses hadn’t seen anything suspicious, the footage from the camera couldn’t be used because it had been destroyed by the explosion. The only thing we had had in our hands had been the “warning” call made from a telephone booth few streets from the shopping centre about a minute before the bomb had done its job. We have felt useless and, to be completely honest, we had been.

The next day we had received next message, telling us what they want. Money. Five million pounds or they would continue this massacre. Ray had left the office while the voice from the recording have been still talking. I had felt sick myself but Ray… he always suffered when we had cases like this. An assassination, some political or idealistic reasoning he could manage, but killing tens of random people who were on a bad place at a bad time, just for stupid money, I could see that was breaking him.

When I had found him half an hour later, he had this empty look in his eyes. I had wanted to embrace him, tell him it will be okay, but I realised I couldn’t believe those lies myself, so to try and convince Ray about it would be a waste of time. Instead I had just put my hand on his shoulder, so that he knew I was there with him, for him.

They had given us a week. One week for the money to be delivered to them. Of course, the government had refused to _waste_ that much money and instead pushed us to do our job better and stop the criminals till the end of the week.

Well, we hadn’t been able to make it. The next bomb had killed less people than before, thank god, but this time all of them had been kids, fourteen to sixteen. Those fuckers had put the bomb at the local sport stadium where this year’s high school football tournament took place.

Everyone at the unit had been devastated. The biggest failure in the history of CI5. At that time, I had been scared for both Cowley and Ray. The old man had been non-stop on the phone, answering good-for-nothing questions that were only wasting his time and keeping him away from the real job. As if he had been the only one to blame or needed more beating and scolding for this misstep.

And Ray had been even worse. His days have been reduced to sitting behind his table and reading the files over and over again, occasionally eating and drinking whatever Bety or I brought him and sleeping a few hours on a couch at the headquarters. By the nearing end of the week, promising yet another bomb, he was on a verse of collapsing.

Luckily for us, one of the gang members turned himself down. Couldn’t stomach the guilt and “the killed were haunting him in his sleep” he had told me at the interrogation. That son of a bitch.

He had told us everything he knew and that’s why we were able to strike. It was hard to get some sleep that night but everyone at the unit got an order to rest as much as they possibly could because Cowley knew we would need it.

The next day at 5 o’clock in the morning, more than twenty agents attacked the abandoned three-story building. But they were prepared for us. Heavily armed with automatic rifles and few grenades they made themselves a very difficult enemy.

We managed to kill or unarm quite a handful of those bastards but those were only minnows who weren’t properly trained for this kind of combat. Their leaders were at the top floor. Like some fucking arcade game where the tough boss came last.

As we made it to the second floor, I saw a grenade thrown at us. I managed to shout a warning and took cover but two of my colleagues weren’t that quick. Their bodies were lying dead on the cold ground.

When the flying dust settled a bit, I was able to find Doyle on the other side of that room. Unharmed. Thank god. We made an eye contact, nodded our heads and then I ran to him. Even though Doyle covered me, few bullets flew by me, but fortunately none met the target.

“You all right?” asked Ray as I crouched next to him.

“Yeah,” I answered “but I think the grenade got James and Terry. What about you?” I looked him in the eyes.

“I’m good, my ears are ringing a bit but nothing that wouldn’t pass.”

“Good. Well, we should probably get moving, don’t wanna spend more time here than necessary. I’d say there’re only two or three left on this floor. The rest is waiting for us upstairs.”

“Right, rendez-vous by the stairs, then?” And there it was, the flame in his eyes, I had to smile when I’ve seen it.

“You bet. And don’t keep me waiting, sunshine.”

“Prat.” muttered Doyle and then we left the opposite ways.

I heard a gunshot to my left and then a man, that by the voice wasn’t one of ours, shouted.

“You fuckin’ pigs, you killed me brother! You’ll pay for that!” and then he ran toward me with a knife in his hand. A fucking knife.

I shot him right through his heart.

After that, I heard another shot and the sound of a body hitting the floor. Then, in a silence I made my way to the stairs where Ray has been already waiting. He didn’t say anything but his cheeky smile and a glance at his wrist, as if to look what time it is, made me roll my eyes.

We waited for other agents to join us and together we made our way up the stairs. Our steps slow and cautious, guns raised and ready to shoot everything that moved. For a few moments nothing was happening but then, as Murphy passed one of the doors, the floor made squeaky noise and all hell broke loose.

The characteristic sound of a pump-action shotgun was the only warning Murphy got before he was shot right through that door. From behind us then ran out two man with pistols but me and Doyle managed to kill them before they pulled the trigger. The shooting could be heard from all around us, yet it still surprised me when I felt a sudden sharp pain in my arm where a bullet scratched me.

I turned around ready to kill the fucker who shot me, but I couldn’t see anyone. Great, just my luck that it had to be a stray bullet that got me. But fuck, did it hurt. Couldn’t stop me though. I quickly moved to the door in front of which Murphy lay in a pool of his own blood. Others, including Doyle, had been already inside. I risked a look inside just to see my partner killed the last bastard.

Me, Ray and Anson slowly stood up and holstered our guns.

And that was it. Job done.

Or we thought so.

Anson and some others passed me at the door and went down the stairs as I stayed and waited for Doyle. He couldn’t be more than fifteen feet away from me when I saw a man who wasn’t there before, who had to be hiding somewhere or who materialised from a fucking air, because he _was not there _before.

He was pointing a gun right at Ray’s back.

And I froze. Looking at the man and then quickly into Ray’s eyes as if my terrified glance could do something.

I knew I couldn’t warn Ray in time nor could I tackle him to the ground to get him out of the way of the bullet. The only option I had was to shoot that asshole before he shot Ray.

So as quickly as humanly possible I pull out my gun and fired while shouting “RAY!” at the top of my lungs.

Two shots could be heard.

“NO!”

Two bullets hitting their targets.

“RAY!”

Two bodies dropping to the ground.

One dead.

“Ray?!” I ran to him and looked for the wound.

“…am fine, Bodie.”

Fortunately, I was the first one to pull the trigger and my bullet hit the target just in time to make the man waver and move his hand a bit.

His bullet hit the target, too. It scratched Ray right at the left side of his head, but he _was fine_ as Doyle assured him.

_____________________________

He was fine… Bodie wasn’t. A head wound was still a head wound. If Bodie did what he was trained for and shot right away, if he didn’t freeze, Ray wouldn’t be hurt at all. Dammit.

On the other hand, Ray could have died too. That thug wouldn’t miss. And Ray could have been a dead man.

Bodie shivered again.

Doctor, who had done the stitching to both of theirs wounds, had said these were only minor injuries and wouldn’t require a hospital stay. So, Cowley had sent them home to rest, saying the report could wait.

How kind of him, chuckled Bodie and looked at the photo once again and then put it back into the nightstand where it belonged.

He hated close calls, especially when Ray was involved. He always predicted, it would be him, who would die first. With his previous lifestyle as a merc, he had made many enemies, and here with CI5 he always took more risk than could be considered healthy. So, Ray’s injuries, serious injuries like this, have always left him feel under the weather.

Ray was his partner, best friend who he fell in love with.

Bodie needed him. Alive. Healthy. Happy.

He turned off the lights and went to sleep.


	2. Soothing hugs

# 2

It was the phone that woke him up. His head hurt, his arm hurt, and he was more than ready to not pick up the bloody phone. But whoever was calling was persistent.

Bodie sighed and sit up, the world spinning a bit, thanks to that scotch he drank earlier and his head not quite ready to be that high after laying for so long. It was still dark outside, he noticed. So, it probably wasn’t a work-related call. Or he hoped so because in his current state he wold do a shitty job as an CI5 agent.

The phone was still irritatingly loud and Bodie had enough.

“Yeah, wha’ d’ya want?” his voice hoarse. When nobody answered him right away, “Who is this?”

“It’s me, Bodie…”

“Ray?” Bodie felt suddenly very sober “Is something happening? It’s, eh, three in the morning. Is it the head wound, do you need to go to the hospital? I can call– ”

“Bodie, no… I don’t need to go to the hospital. I just… look, sorry, I shouldn’t bother you at this hour. You need your rest.”

“No, it’s fine. Why did you call me?”

“It’s nothing, really… I just… I had this nightmare you know, and I… it’s stupid, Bodie, forget it. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s not stupid, you know.”

Both were silent for a moment.

“I’ll be at yours in ten.” answered Bodie the unsaid invitation and hang up.

He missed the quite “thank you” on the other side of the line.

When Bodie turned off the engine of his car, he routinely checked the street for possible trouble but not a single soul was wandering there this early. He got out of the car and rang the bell at Doyle’s door. Few seconds later he heard the buzzer and pushed the front door open.

Ray was waiting for him inside the apartment, in the kitchen. He looked like a walking death. His skin pale as a ghost, the white bandage on the side of his head, eyes tired and bit red.

“Ray” called Bodie quietly and walked up to him. Standing two feet before Doyle, he put a hand on his shoulder “Hey, sunshine, what’s the matter? Bad dreams, huh.”

“Yeah…”

“Right, let’s sit, okay?” ushered him Bodie to one of the chairs. “Tea? I’d kill for a cuppa right now” smiled Bodie and not waiting for an answer turned to make some.

“Sorry for waking you. I didn’t even fully realise I was calling you, guess I’m too used to relaying on you… But I’m glad you came.” mumbled Doyle.

“Stop apologising, I told you it’s fine. At least there was no one in the streets to see me driving while drunk.” chuckled Bodie “Besides, what kind of a partner and a _friend_ would I be, if I left you alone after this mess.” added more seriously but inside thought ‘_You wouldn’t let those who you love suffer alone, either’ _instead.

Doyle didn’t comment on this and watched his partner’s back in silence.

“Scared I’ll set this place on fire?” laughed Bodie when he noticed Doyle looking “I can’t cook like you, chef, but tea, that I can make.”

When Ray still didn’t answer, Bodie grabbed both cups with a sigh and took a seat opposite him while offering the mug.

“Ta.” murmured Doyle.

“You look like shit, you know?” Bodie stated while stirring his tea, and Doyle glared at him. “I guess you _do _know after all… Look, Ray, we didn’t really had time to talk properly with all that shit happening but that’s over now. For us, anyway. There’re going to be other ops we need to be ready for soon and, obviously, it won’t be easy to forget what happened. The problem is, with our job we need to get back and fight whatever comes our way but–“

“Thank you for the lecture–“ Doyle gritted through his teeth.

“– but I want you to know” Bodie continued a bit louder, “that I’m going to be there with you all the time and whatever we fight, we fight together, partner. We always do.” 

“Oh.” Obviously regretting what he had just said, Ray stared into his mug, not brave enough to look at Bodie. Not after he called him in the middle of the night, made him come to his place and insulted him instead of saying simple ‘thank you’.

“So, do you perhaps want to tell about it? The nightmare of yours?” tried Bodie to start a conversation once again. He himself knew too well how bad nightmares could be, especially if there was no one to keep you company after you woke up screaming and crying. “As I told you, Ray, I’m here for you. Whatever you may need. I can listen to you… or I can try to distract you from it. To help you forget it.” He said as he took Ray’s hand reassuringly.

“I… it was more like memories than nightmare, in a way. All the faces of those who were killed, tens of lifeless faces staring at me from nowhere and everywhere. Some of them silent, other screaming. I couldn’t… I tried to get away from them but I… the more I ran, the more they screamed and cried. And then… those dead children blamed me for everything that happened to them. As if I was the one who killed them, as if I was responsible… but I wasn’t. Was I Bodie? I didn’t kill them, I didn’t. I did all I could” his voice broke and he fought the tears in his eyes.

Bodie couldn’t stop himself anymore, he stood up and came to Doyle to clasp him in his arms, to hug him tightly “It wasn’t your fault, Ray. You did everything you could. You hear me? You did, we all did. But we can’t save everyone.”

“But they were only kids, Bodie. Innocent kids… they didn’t deserve it!”

“I know, I know.”

Both were holding each other tightly. 

“You did all you could. And you saved those, who would have died because of the next bomb. The bomb that won’t blow up thanks to you, Ray. Don’t forget that. You saved these people.”

Ray was now openly crying into the shoulder his head has been lying on, even Bodie had to fight the tears. But he wouldn’t cry, he couldn’t. He had to be strong for both himself and Ray.

“It’s okay, let it all out, sunshine.” soothed him Bodie while slowly stroking his back.

After there were no tears left, Bodie let Doyle to the bedroom, where both of them sat on the bed.

“You should get some sleep, Ray. You need it.” Bodie almost whispered “I’ll come back tomorrow morning… well, today morning. With breakfast and everything, I’m sure you haven’t eaten much these days.”

“Can you stay?” Ray mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“Will you stay, Bodie? Please. I don’t think I want to be alone now… I reckon we shared worse beds than this one” Doyle tried to joke but failed miserably because of his uncharacteristically small voice.

“That we did.” Bodie smiled gently and walked around the bed to the other side. His heart beating like crazy even though he knew that there was a difference between sharing a bed and _sharing _a bed. Christ, he was a grown man, god dammit, not a high school kid with a crush and blushing cheeks.

He sat on the mattress and managed somewhat calm his frantic heartbeat by remembering that he was here for Doyle. He was here to help him through and behaving like a fool in love would only stand in the way. But that wasn’t anything new for Bodie, he was used to it, his feelings always stood in the way. They meant only trouble and hurt. He should have learnt that by now.

Still, being here, in the same bed as Ray, he felt suddenly very small and overwhelmed by everything. For the first time in a very long time he wasn’t sure he could do it again, pretend he didn’t feel anything. Pretend Ray was only a friend to him and nothing more.

His hands were trembling, and he had to clench them to stop it. It was so hard to act normally. Doyle turned off the lights and lay down under the covers. Bodie’s breathing quickened and he was afraid Ray would hear him and asked if everything was alright, because he probably wouldn’t be able to lie. He closed his eyes and tried to think rationally, to imagine what would happen if he told Ray. To imagine what would he lose if Ray left him. And the answer was terrifying – he would lose everything.

Paradoxically, it did the exact opposite of what he needed right now. It scared him to death, and he felt like running away, like surrendering. It was all too much for him to handle.

Suddenly, he felt a hand touching his shoulder and he flinched, his breath quickening.

“Bodie?”

No, no, no…!

“I…” his voice broke, dammit, he tried again “I need to, eh, pee” Bodie excused himself lamely and tried very hard not to ran out of the room.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself and leaned against it. Slowly sliding down until he sat on the cold tiles. He felt like crying because he will lose it, if not today, then maybe in a month, in a year. He won’t be strong enough to just stand around a look at _his Ray _and not say it and then it will be his end. He will quit a job, because Ray will ask for a new partner and without Doyle, there won’t be a reason to stay in CI5. Even Cowley wouldn’t be able to stop him. He will move out of London, because there won’t be a street, he wouldn’t remember walking down with Ray. And then what will be left od William Andrew Philip Bodie?

He took a shaky breath. What should he do? Wait and suffer and play his role of a strong CI5 agent with a reputation of Casanova, or just end it now? He didn’t know and he has no one to ask. He looked at his hands and instead he saw the photo he had in the nightstand at home. Bodie and Doyle. 3.7 and 4.5. The best Cowley’s men. Best friends.

And then the tears came. Because he realised, he would lose not only his job and so-called home but a best friend too. And he would be alone again.

He cried silently, just like he learnt in Africa. Where he had been alone too and couldn’t afford anyone finding him with wet cheeks and puffy red eyes.

After few moments he stood up a grabbed the sink. While standing he looked up into the mirror. He looked awful. An old man crying. And that’s what will be left of William Andrew Philip Bodie isn’t it, a crying lonely aged man.

He washed his face with cold water so that the tears wouldn’t be that visible. He stopped the water and dried himself. He felt ashamed and he still didn’t know what to do. But he should come back to the bed, where if nothing else was dark and Ray couldn’t see his swollen eyes. If he got very lucky, Ray would be already asleep.

Just as he was about to turn away from the sink, he heard two quiet knocks. He closed his eyes and tried very hard for his voice to sound normal, not like he has been just crying, but as he breathed in, opened his mouth ready to answer, his voice broke and he couldn’t. He knew that if he tried to tell Ray he was fine, that he would come back in a minute, Ray wouldn’t believe him.

And just like he did in the kitchen, Ray would ask what all this was about and Bodie knew he would tell him the truth. He would lose everything now. At least Doyle decided for him.

“Bodie?”

_I’m sorry Ray, _though Bodie. _I didn’t mean to._

“Bodie? Can I come in?”

Bodie couldn’t find the strength to reply by his voice, so instead he opened the door for Ray. No need to prolong this.

“Oh my god, Bodie… why are you crying?” Bodie touched his cheek and oh, Ray was right, he did cry again.

Before he could come up with a way how to explain, strong arms embraced him in a tight hug. And if he hoped for the tears to stop, now he knew it was useless. He ended up crying harder than before, saying goodbye without words.

Doyle was holding him steady, just like he did before, and Bodie tried to remember every small detail of Ray this close. His body warm, hair tickling his ear and that beautiful voice soothing him gently, telling him everything would be alright.

Oh, if he knew… if only did he know, he sure as hell wouldn’t be holding Bodie this close. And Bodie couldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t let this be their last moment. He couldn’t let Ray hate their last moment. No.

He took two steps back, not meeting Doyle’s eyes. Those marvellous green eyes.

“Bodie…?”

He took a deep breath and then made few more steps to take a toilet paper and blow his nose. He then turned around to face his soon-to-be ex-partner. _Ex-friend_ even.

“Ray, I… there’s something you should know. You should know about me.”

Doyle was looking at him, not understanding what was happening, and it was breaking Bodie’s heart. He couldn’t even imagine what would Ray think after he’ll know the truth. What would his best friend reckon all those times when Bodie touched his hair, his arm or god, of those times, when they saw each other naked, meant to him. He will think of Bodie as a creep, as a fucking fairy, a poofter. He will hate him. Oh god.

Doyle took few steps towards him.

“No!” Bodie shouted, terrified.

Doyle looked even hurt, but Bodie did it for his sake.

“I’m sorry Ray, you… you _need to know_ that I’m sorry and I didn’t mean for it to happen. But I could not stop it.” Bodie whispered the last part.

“What are you talking about, there’s nothing, you hear, _nothing_ you could be possibly sorry for.”

“Oh, Ray…” He couldn’t believe how his partner trusted him so much. He stood straight and looked Ray right in the eyes.

“I love you.” Bodie said and he could see the shock at Ray’s face. In those eyes. An utter shock. And his heart finally broke into pieces.

“I love you, Raymond Doyle. Deeply. Romantically… I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any rights to the show or the characters.


	3. Sad ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before the first chapter, if you're upto the ending that'll make you smile (hopefully), then skip to the last chapter.

Ray didn’t move. He stood there, frozen, with wild eyes. And Bodie couldn’t stay anymore. He couldn’t stand it. That look in his eyes.

“I am really sorry, Ray, for this and… especially for the bullet that hit you because of me.” Bodie whispered the latter as he walked past Doyle and ran out of the flat. It was still too early for people to be on the streets and he was glad for that. He opened the door of his car and sat inside for a moment. He didn’t know what he could be possibly waiting for, but whatever it was, it never came, and Bodie drove away from Ray’s house. Away from Ray’s life.

Back at his flat, he packed some of his belongings, mostly clothes, and along with his personal gun put them into an old army bag which he kept exactly for cases like this. For a sudden fleeing.

He took out his work ID and the keys of the Capri from his jacket and put them on the table where they would be easy to find. He also stripped off the holster with his service gun and left it there, too. 

Then, he wrote a short, brief report for Cowley of what happened at their mission. After all, it was still his duty as an CI5 agent, and he wouldn’t leave if there was some unfinished business. He owed Cowley at least that. On the new sheet of paper Bodie left a personal message for the old man, stating he was resigning. Without any further explanation and with only one wish, for nobody to go looking for him and to trust him, that he didn’t and wouldn’t betray CI5. Ever.

For a few moments, he was thinking about leaving a message for Doyle too, but what could he possibly say? That he is sorry? Why? He did say that already and there was nothing else to tell. Ray would hate him no matter what, now. This would only make him look pathetic.

He checked his temporary home for the last time, so that he wouldn’t leave anything personal behind. The last thing left was the photo.

He opened the nightstand and took out the frame. For a second he thought of taking it with him but really, why would he do that… to remind himself of the fact, that Ray have left him too? Or that whoever he ever loved didn’t return those feelings? No.

He also couldn’t leave it here. Yes, they were partners, but partners don’t have photos of themselves like this, certainly not in a bedroom. Whoever would clean his apartment would find this and make assumptions about their relationship and he couldn’t let Ray… couldn’t let the others think that Ray was something that he most certainly wasn’t. So, he took out the photograph and with a broken heart and one silent tear making its way down his cheek, he kissed it and then set it on fire with a lighter. He watched as the paper slowly disappeared and along with it, Bodie and Doyle did too.

“Farewell, Raymond Doyle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading till the end! The end that I prefer a bit, maybe.
> 
> I don't own any rigths to the show or the characters.


	4. Happy ending

Ray didn’t move. He stood there, frozen, with wild eyes. And Bodie couldn’t stay anymore. He couldn’t stand it. That look in his eyes.

“I’m really sorry, Ray, especially for the bullet that hit you because of me.” Bodie whispered the latter as he walked past Doyle, ready to leave.

But his fleeing was stopped by a hand gripping his wrist. Bodie tried to unbind himself, and in any other situation, he would succeed, but right now he couldn’t. He gave up after the second try.

He wasn’t sure why did Doyle make him stay but the only reason Bodie could think of, was to take out the anger and humiliation on him. To show him _he_ _wasn’t_ a poof, to hit him right in the face, to hurt him.

His throat tightened and he closed his eyes, ready to take it. Ready for Ray’s fist which would probably break his nose.

Only it never came. Instead, he felt a tender touch of Rays fingers on his cheek. Bodie slowly opened his eyes and looked at Ray because what did he want if not to beat him… and what he saw took his breath away. Doyle’s lips were curled in a genuine smile and his eyes were full of… something that Bodie has never seen before in them.

“I’d be dead if you weren’t there, Bodie. So, you have no right to apologise for that.”

“But–“

“Shhh. You saved my life. Again. And I didn’t even thank you…” Ray said quietly “And your previous apology has no meaning either, you know?”

Bodie didn’t understand and it must have shown on his face because Ray only chuckled. He palmed both of his cheeks and kissed him. Nothing serious, just a light touch of lips that lasted only a second but said more than words could.

As they parted, Bodie looked even more confused.

“Ray?” Bodie squeaked almost as if hurt.

“Oh, Bodie…” soothed him Ray “Let’s come back to the bedroom and talk it out, alright?”

Bodie just nodded, still too puzzled to answer verbally. Ray took his hand again and together they made it to the bed. Both sat facing each other, Doyle smiling and Bodie with confusion written all over his face.

“You kissed me.” Bodie stated.

“Yeah, I did.”

“So, does that mean you…”

“That I feel the same about you, yeah. I must be crazy, but I reckon love you too, William Andrew Philip Bodie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any right for the show or the characters.


End file.
